Even today

Today when I come across one more year, I realise how much change a year can do. I'm a different person now. How much every single day in a year can do? I see how many new things and feelings I have carried along in a year and how many I have lost. I'm a more hurting, frustrated, cool, young, careless, 'fuck you' kind of guy. I'm a really serious guy. I take things very serious. Everything. If I like someone, I'll do anything for them. If I hurt someone I feel so bad. So bad that you don't know. Anything. I don't care what happens to me when I do it. I just do. I have never wanted to be a wrong person to anytime. That has been my lifetime principle. I have always want to be a good person. And in the process I have went through many things where I could not be that. I somehow somewhere was not the same person I were. I did not hurt them or made them feel bad like I did not. I have made so many hurt and feel bad for who I'm. I don't know because like I told you I feel more cool and free with you too. I somehow feel this is wrong. I somehow feel it would  it can make a person feel bad and it's not how I have to be. I have always felt I have made people feel more bad about something than the good things. That's always my feeling about someone. And I always try to be good and don't hurt the person as well and I be that guy. I again and again be that guy. My reason to drift a bit from people have always been that I'm not the same guy I were and am doing something wrong. And so I try to change. I try to not hurt you more. I try to not make you feel bad for something and I do want to do the same thing again. And so I change. I change as a less hurting person. I change as a less straight forward person. I change as a less sincere person. I change as a less young person and less reckless person. I have always did it. This had always been my reason to be a different person. Everything even includes feeling bad for making someone feel bad and like a person how much you did like them for the first time. And I do it. I always see who you were to me when you happen for the first time. I always have that memory. And I keep doing it. You're always who you were to me when you knew me for the first time. And then I feel bad too. Even on this time, for something which I don't like. It's the same feeling which I have in my mind called feeling bad. Even in this time which I did not want to happen. I'm a quite 'I know how it feels on a birthday person' and the only thing that I like about me is I make someone feel what I feel. My family and the girl that I love stay the only two people that make me feel what I feel. These two relationships make me feel how good love feels. I'll never let you go. I'm sorry if I did make you feel what I felt. But it's what I feel is what I make you feel and that's all I always want to and that's all I would always do. You mean every good thing that happens to me. And so everything happens the same way and I change. I stop being the same. I change as a better person to you. I chill and don't be the same guy but be a better person and say 'I Love You and just You'. You're everything that I have. Friend, you're everything that I'm now. And you'll always be in my heart. All you people that did not make me feel what I tried to make you feel, I change so I do not make you feel bad that you made me feel bad. I write something that I just feel. I do something that I just love, I make you feel. 

Bombay Velvet

This is my first official blog if you know why this blogger account was meant to be. And if you can ignore the poor english and writing. So finally I decide not to write on 'Detective Byomkesh Bakshy' and eventually watch a movie 42 days later. Yes I have moved on. I have moved on from the Bengali people to the Mumbaikars. That was real difficult. Getting over Dibakar Banerjee's masterpiece has been a real tiring life for me.  

Anurag Kashyap's 'Bombay Velvet' is finally out. Go watch it. Shockingly, its released here in Chennai and with less censorship issues but much hype. And fortunately I get to watch it the very fast day. Wow! I have finally managed to have a bunch of friends who can accompany me in any movie I watch, no matter however they hate watching it (forget the after-movie Maben gaalis).  Its the first time I'm watching a Anurag Kashyap film on big screen. The expectation is more when you have only watched his 'Black Friday', just a decade after its release. Thanks to the makers who also managed to produce seperate music videos, so we don't have to murmer the soundtracks which aren't even lip-synced.

Right from the start you have the sepia filters doing the work and you see a completely different 'Bombay' which was never seen before. Though a similar backdrop has been attempted many a times, providing this much detail was never done.

(Johnny) Balraj, who is already a big shot wants to become a bigger BIG SHOT just when Karan Johar's manly eyes sees the lengthy dick the Balraj's got, therby seeing the potential of him being the biggest big shot the 'Bombay' have ever had. And just like every other movie (or person), our hero loves a person who doesn't understands his love and the inverse, JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MOVIE. But what's different is, here it's more rugged and natural, when the primary disturbance is still 'trust'.

There are so many unusual angles created which is a very good sign of knowing it's a Kashyap film but what's not the same this time is the timing. Its like you bump into a speedbreaker even when the girl is holding you, and then she stops holding you, coz' boy you did it wrong. So in the very first half you get to see most of the double-faces and on the other half you see it again. The biggest disappointment however in 'Bombay Velvet' is the RUN-TIME. Too many side angles and back-stabbing is necessary but, at the right time. And 'Bombay Velvet's second half is a mere continuation of the first half and never really anything in it (if you can not consider the climax).

Characters appear unforced and they keep increasing just like that and you also start knowing them, enjoying them, every single character. This is some great casting from the 'Phantom', if you look at the screen time and the right amount of intensity every single character brings in when appeared. And when you're looking at a new character helping one ruin 'Bombay' there is this fine music which also comes along the gore which is so soothing for a film. Amit Trivedi's music gradually starts occupying you and at one point you even forget if its even mixed (or added), it's just so apt for any film. I liked this particular movie's music than any of his previous films and clearly one of the best seen in bollywood. 

Every scene that ends brings in an even intense scene and the rough quotient keeps increasing. Note the finishing and starting part of the sequences and you'll know why I always anticipate better work when a foreign technician is responsible for it. If at all I have to name three people who had taken the film to a level which cannot even be imagined for a crime genre it had be Thelma Schoonmaker (co-editor), after Anurag Kashyap and Amit Trivedi.

Ranbir is contuining to be the only STAR actor who is not just choosing scripts that come from an acclaimed director's table but also making sure if they're different enough in itself. I felt the same thing watching 'Roy', though it was not good at the box-office, I liked the actor's dare in choosing a script from someone who had not directed before. I guess with his couple of films releasing - with one from Imtiaz, it would be real tough to actually call him a Star Actor or Underrated as only people like Sushant Singh Rajput and Rajkummar Rao are supposed to do such roles, not him.

Anushka Sharma has given 'Bombay Velvet' what even Ranbir could not. The importance of the female character in this film is so much, as that's the only woman that is invloved throughout the film among so many men and she does it superbly well. Karan Johar, Well, I thought its some cameo or less violent role but never a Full-Fledged Ugly Villain. What more can you ask for a maiden performance? Main Negative Role In A Anurag Kashyap Film. This is some kind of a performance and I really wish if he can go on to sign many such projects. 

The film is neatly edited with the sequences ending and beginning shot with much intelligence. The film may not win the Filmfare or the National awards but it has the 'feels' level close to any English film. If you know Anurag you'll know how much he had compromised for a wider audience to reach and like. Plot twist: The extended run-time is only for a certain audience to be very clear about the movie and it could have easily been cut in any other Anurag film. If you can watch a film for the director going a step ahead of his level, here is a director who had lowered his standards and risked his film run-time just to see a few more people clap and whistle for his work. And if at all the 8 years of hardwork gets some attention, there is a success right there for any filmmakers and audience.  

Haider

Remember the last time you were in your kind of a setup watching a film - you and the other in the same place doing the same thing the lead hero does. By just a dialogue, a scene, a song, the girl in the film, the hero that the sense of nostalgia runs down your spine making you feel, break into tears looking at the screen? 'Haider' does me just that.

A film I watch everytime I'm so down in life. Times when you remember things close to your heart, which makes you feel the most.

I start watching 'Haider'.
The movie starts with a man(in spectacles) along with a few men armed reaching a place. He says, "Risak toh lena hi padega" (we have to take a chance) indicating the need to operate the bullets. "Par kahan"(but where) asks the militant. "MERE GHAR PE"(at my place) says Doctor Sahab.
(We are in Kashmir where there is always a contradiction between people and militants. And on any benefit of doubt, the person's house is shot with missile launchers leaving their wives half-widowed - 'Aadhi beeba' as Tabu says).
Next scene: Two men in a boat peering the lake with an unconscious man lying in it. An old man in a small bot blazing hookah lake-keeping in the middle of the lake.

Next morning there is an alarm indicating all the village men have to get out of their houses for a security check. Doctor Sahab knowing the consequences asks Mouji(mum) to take care of herself. "Haider ka kya hoga"(What about Haider) interrogates beeba for the last time. In a pleasing voice he says "Khuda hai uska"(His lord's with him) and leaves. And joins a queue of men to pass through a jeep where an officer will blow the horn ok seeing the disloyal men to be put into the detention centres.

A series of rounds fired followed by a giant missle launched into a house.
Reverberating violin score and then the title appears"Haider".
Dark fade in and a trail of light gradually appearing and when the bus is out of the tunnel Shahid appears. His entry is enough charismatic for one to feel the positive vibe and energy. And when he says 'Islamabad' you already start feeling the energy - the power Vishal (ji) delivers through the voice of Shahid. One which is so divine in itself. Eye to eye contact. 18mins already and I shut my pic down.

I'm already feeling the pain, the energy, the feelings of a guy who is looking for his father who is marked disappeared in police records yet is ignorant of the truth . And when he says 'Pura Kashmir kabristan hai mere dost'(The entire city is a mortuary) you're almost broke that this song follows where on many occasions he is gets weaker and weaker.

Imagine you're broke, you are alone, you are strong, you are risking your life, yet you decide to push yourself up for one last time and then YOU FAIL. Bhardwaj shows exactly that.
The very charming Shahid cries, cries to his mother, his girlfriend, among his friends, gets beaten by his girlfriend's brother and then seeks revenge. His father's assassin is lying down in the snow, legs cut, almost dead - yet he chooses to leave him as such. In between his father's words to seek revenge and Mouji he chooses the right. And there leaves you Vishal between wrong and right - in the theatre, in your room, in tears.

Today when I see Shahid receive Filmfare award for the best actor, I almost cry. Just how I did watching him cry in the movie. I remember all the respect I owe for Vishal. I respect Shahid for having able to follow his heart. I will never be able to thank Vishal Bhardwaj for how many times had he inspired me.

"While we were shooting for Queen, we did not have our own studio. We only had fares for tickets and we had to shoot in Paris. The shoot did start in time and we did finish the shoot in the given time" said Vikas Bahl whose Queen won the best film category. These people never fail to inspire me - on how productive and better works can be made of the limited resources. Like how Rajat Kapoor's 'Ankon Dekhi' which many don't even know as a film won him the best story and movie critics.

In the end, however mainstream Indian Cinema/life is. There is always good things up for the good ones. Wait for the right time to come.

Watch the last 30mins of Filmfare awards for more inspiration.